I’m Not Looking for Something Serious
“I’m not looking for something serious”. Who hasn’t heard that sentence before or has not used it. Mostly this information is offered without the other part having hinted anything in that direction and is wielded like a weapon. It is not a get out of a “Band and Run” as the good guy card. I guess, some wonder what that means and why guys (well, in my case it’s always guys as I don’t date girls) say stuff like that on a first date, when you are about to make out casually, or other situations that are far from a serious discussion about the relationship status. I’m gonna give you some purely subjective insights.
Did I Ask to Marry You?
Imagine this: You are kissing your newest crush and you want to seek privacy as kissing in public is something teenagers get away with but not people over 30. My bitter self usually thinks “GET A ROOM” when I see people making out in public, mostly because it reminds me that my last relationship was roughly 5 years ago and that I only kiss strangers in public. It’s jealousy rearing its ugly head in my case and not morals. I’ve got those, too, even though that might be harder to believe when you read this blog. But I’m going off topic here.
So, you decide to change to a more private setting and you start making out a little heavier. And then he opens his mouth and says: “I don’t want anything serious though”. Say what now? I don’t remember getting down on my knees and asking him to marry me, I did not tell him that I would like to have kids (2 if you were wondering, don’t care about the sex), I did not even ask for his phone number. Why did he see the need to bother me with that piece of information which is killing my vibe? The I-want-to-make-out vibe. There was no I-want-to-move-in-with-you vibe.
Don’t Fool Yourself
It’s your choice what you do after somebody tells you something like that. You can decide to go down on them anyway because you are aware of the fact that he’s just another fuck boy who tries to fool himself and the rest of the world into thinking he isn’t just because “he said from the beginning he didn’t want anything serious”. But please, everybody who ever used those phrases, don’t fool yourselves. Just don’t. You could basically tell the person: I just wanna do you. It has the same meaning and somebody less experienced might not fool themselves into thinking that there could be something in the future. Some more honesty would spare a lot of people heartbreak and the constant misconception that something might change–because it doesn’t. And yes, I know, but one of your friends blablabla. They are the minority.
No Strings Attached and Common Decency
What people think is decent behaviour varies from person to person. To me, even if you don’t want something serious, it is decent behaviour to greet the person in a normal matter, or in a way you’ve done it before. For example: If you usually hug the other person to say hello or goodbye, behave normally and hug them when you see them and ask how they are doing when you run into them in the street a week after they sucked your dick. That would be decent behaviour. It is utterly unacceptable to ignore somebody in this situation. Be a grown up. Sex is fun, we all have, normally people don’t have a problem with “no strings attached”. But you make it ridiculously awkward when you all of a sudden start behaving like a meercat. Hiding in a hole in the ground. As an adult, I kinda expect that you know how to do the whole “no strings attached” thing and don’t turn into a bang and run. Or suck and run–depending on how far you got with the other person. It might be weird for both parties in the beginning. But you get to a normal level quite quickly and there’s no confusion.
In general. Be honest! But not in a way that makes you feel better, in a way that makes the other person feel better. The difference:
“I don’t want anything serious” is a phrase that is for your benefit, not for the other person’s. “I am only looking for somebody to fool around with” might make you sound like an asshole to some people, but this way you neither fool yourself nor the other person. And I, personally, don’t think that’s an asshole move. That is real honesty. And we all could benefit from being more honest with each other without being an asshole.